Women have to look at themselves and ask, am I truly happy? What are some things that could be keeping you from being in a successful loving relationship? We have to know who we are and be confident with ourselves before we can expect a happy relationship. That means taking a second to reflect and take a few mental notes. “Women should ask themselves: Who am I really? What do I truly want from life, from love, from a relationship? What do I have to offer a man? Why would a man want me?” says Dr. Ames-Dennard.
“Women must first come to grips with who they are as an individual,” says Dr. Sharon Ames- Dennard, a clinical psychologist in Tallahassee, Fla. Who operates the Aakhet Center for Human Development.
It means taking a look at our attitude towards life, friends, home environment, and our relationships with family. There are many good men out there and we as women have to first be stable in our own life. The last thing you want to do is bring stress to your significant other and the relationship. I encourage you to really take some time to yourself and work on making the inside as beautiful as the outside.
Friendships:Are you dealing with toxic friends? Many people may have toxic friendships and not even be aware of it. If the people you hang around are not supporting you then chances are they will not be supportive of you in your relationships. According to WebMD.com,friendships permeate our lives, having an impact on our careers, marriages, families, children, health, and even our retirement. Start by analyzing your relationships with close friends. If you’re surrounded by friends that are not positive in your life, then you should slowly start to branch away from them. You should never feel bad about getting rid of negative friends, in the end you will only come out a better person. Dr. Irene S. Levine, a clinical psychologist, lists Five Ways to Unload A Toxic Friend.
Here are the five tips:
1. Change the nature of your friendship by learning to say “no” and setting boundaries (e.g. “Even though we are both single, I don’t want to spend every Friday night together” or “I can’t have dinners with you after work because I need to get home to my family.”‘)
2. Tell her that you have to tend to your own needs (or those of anyone else you can think of — your mother, your kid, or your cat)
3. Slip away – Spend less time with her and add other less demanding friends to your inventory.
4. Take a relationship sabbatical, a well-deserved hiatus from the friendship
5. If you’ve reached the point where you feel there is nothing really to lose, simply cut loose!
Home Environment:Our home can often represent how organized we our in our life. We must always try our best to get rid of clutter. Take some time to go through papers and items that you may not necessarily need. When my home was cluttered, I started to notice that my life was upside down. I then started to get rid of clothes I was no longer wearing and books that were hidden under dust. I couldn’t find anything at home. It was also hard to find what I wanted out of life. After I rearranged my home, I started to feel a sense of relief. I was able to think straight without unnecessary items surrounding me.
Family:Family is obviously a huge factor in our life. Have you called your family members just to check and see how they are doing? We’re always going to need family by our side especially in times of hardships. According to valuesfamily.com, we need a family and that family needs us. When we support our families we find ourselves supported. I enjoy calling my mother and checking in on her. There may be times I might not agree with her, but I still listen to what she has to say. I know that she wants nothing but the best for me.
Attitude towards life:Keep a positive outlook on life. There may be times where we may come home stressed from work and everyday challenges. Try not to bring the stress from the job home. It’s bad enough you have to deal with stress at work, the last thing you want is to have it on your mind while at home. FamilyDoctor.org list tips on managing stress. Meditation, exercise and eating well balanced meals were included in the list. These are three very important factors that should be monitored.
“Only after thorough self-analysis has been completed should a woman focus on what she wants in a man,” says Dr. Ames-Dennard. The more content you become in life, the more attractive you become on the inside as well as your outside. Internally you will start to feel more at peace with yourself. You will start to understand just how precious life is and your happiness plays a huge factor. When we worry we start to stress, and when we stress we put a strain on our health and relationships. The road to happiness just may lead you to the man that you’ve been looking for all along.
*Article written for urbaneperspectivemag.com